The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Video Game Weapons
Video games have always had their fair share of crazy ridiculousness. It’s what makes games so intriguing. Without it, they would no longer be games. Would first person shooters be fun if on the first level you got shot in the foot and had to hobble around for the rest of the level? No. Instant healing and invincibility please! Would racing games be fun if they actually required you to understand everything there is to know about torque or aerodynamics? Of course not. Just hop in this $200,000 car and run it into that other $200,000 car at 200 mph. That’s where the fun is. Embrace the ridiculousness gamers!
Throughout my years of playing, I have found myself in control of quite a few crazy, ridiculous weapons. Here is my list of the top ten most memorable:
PETA would probably be all over this game today. I mean shooting enemies with a wildlife launching crossbow? Now that’s just inhumane. And it’s awesome. The “live ammo” includes, trash-talking Chippunks (chipmunk), stink-bombing Stunks (skunk), land-mine laying Fuzzles (fuzzle), and explosive Boombats (…bat). Why destroy your enemies with bullets and grenades when you can blow them up with a Boombat? Besides, it’s not like you’re using real animals. You’re using ridiculous animals.
The Wasteland may have been decimated by tons of nuclear weapons, but just because most of the buildings were destroyed, doesn’t mean the multitude of trash lying around the world was also. And what better way to get rid of this trash than to recycle it … as a projectile? Thus, the Rock-It Launcher, one of the crafting weapons in the game. Combine an old vacuum cleaner with a leaf blower and a fire hose nozzle and presto! You have a ridiculous pool ball, empty bottle and silverware firing masterpiece.
While we’re on the subject of rocket launchers, how about we focus on the infinite ammo version? Infinite ammo cheats have always been around, but when games are meant to allow the relentless onslaught of a self-reloading RPG, that’s where the fun is. Resident Evil games are generally scary. But that’s because zombies (infected) take bullets to the face like champs. Not rockets though, those hurt. What is the most ridiculous thing about the RE4 infinite rocket launcher is that rockets are considered missed shots, so you can potentially beat the entire game with 0% accuracy.
Heavenly Sword was one of the first games that showed off the true potential of the PS3’s graphics capabilities. It also featured use of the new six-axis controller in ridiculous ways. When you played as the crazy bow and arrow girl, you had control of some pretty special arrows. When fired, the camera zoomed in on the arrow, time slowed, and you could use your controller to fly your arrow around obstacles, up into the sky, back down, left, right, whatever, right into the faces of your enemies. I don’t think arrows can really work that way. They were pretty high-tech back in their hay day, but not that high-tech.
I realize hack and slash games have to be unique to stand out, but having guns, on high heels? Come on, that’s just… ridiculous. How do those even work? How do you pull the trigger? How can you aim your heel? Who thought of this? This just takes foot fetish to a whole new level. Oh Bayonetta…
I played dodge ball in PE class when I was little. And I wasn’t the greatest; I’d get hit a lot. But it never killed me. And I couldn’t really throw the ball with enough force to make people actually need to dodge. A blitzball on the other hand, behind the arm of Wakka – deadly, accurate and not susceptible to the laws of gravity. No gamer, you can’t attack a flying enemy with a sword, you’ll miss. Instead, hit them with a rubber ball that is both on fire and frozen at the same time. That’ll do the trick.
Physics in high school – bad. Physics in college – worse. Physics in a car accident – really awful. Physics in Portal – best ever. Most games take technology and think laser beams of death. Portal thought of physics. Why not make that turret that wants to kill me over there fall from this hole I shoot here out of that hole I shoot there and into this chasm of nothingness? Sounds like a plan. Ridiculously impossible, but amazing at the same time. Remember, portal guns don’t kill people, gravity kills people.
I would like to high-five the guy who thought this one up. If you are unfamiliar with Mr. Toots, he is probably the funniest weapon ever created. Take a cute little unicorn, add flatulence, and you get rainbow laser beam of death. Sure it may looks like it hurts him a bit (PETA get out of here, unicorns aren’t really animals.), but it definitely hurts everything else a lot more. There is not a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.
In a game filled with all sorts of ridiculous weapons (bananas, homing shells, mushrooms that make to go really fast) this particular one stands out the most. Possibly the ultimate weapon of all time, the Mario Kart lightning has the power to make all other racers really tiny, really slow, and very susceptible to being squished. Plus, two of these shrunken racers will both get simultaneously squished if they hit each other. This is probably the best use of lightning ever in a video game, you never even stood a chance, Infamous.
What may appear like a common battle issued combat knife, is actually the world’s most powerful weapon. It defies the old adage, “don’t bring a knife to a gunfight”; no, definitely bring one of these. A guy who is in a full combat uniform set up to defend against explosives and shrapnel and bullets can be nicked on the hand by one of these knifes and instantly die. It is that powerful. And it’s easy to wield too, anybody can do it. Even those with akimbo double-barrel shotguns (MW2) can easily kill a man at full sprint with one of these knifes. Where do the shotguns go during this knife swinging process? Who cares? I have the commando perk. Die frustrated players, die!
How about you? Do you have any personal favorites? Can you think of any particular ridiculous weapons I may have missed? Do you honestly believe the knives of Call of Duty are completely realistic?