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Are you ready to ball so hard that you’re going to have people wanting to fine you? NBA Baller Beats not only recently released its basketball Kinect exclusive; it also included a tutorial to sweeten the pot.
Kenny Smith leads us in the rhythm game with athletic peripheral, as he shows us the ropes of dribbling during songs to correctly hit the appropriate zone. The Kinect tracks player moves during plays and periodically you’ll be able to perform trick moves. More so, the game will want to teach you court vision, where you keep your eye on your target, rather than the ball. In order to learn some of the trickier moves, such as passing a ball from behind yourself, you can train in Move School. Moves stack up a multiplier, which is important to finally complete songs with the highest rating of stars, which in turn can be used to unlock game assets.
Hell, there’s even a multiplayer aspect that lets you dribble against friends and Kinect will happily take your picture while you’re balling to the beats. All this sounds marvelous and even Penny Arcade has been cautiously optimistic about the game, yet it doesn’t seem to be enough to wash away skepticism. For one, the eclectic tracklist is nice, even despite it includes Skrillex. Is it really come to this, that every game needs the dubstep artist? Mind you, we’re not bringing the man down; he’s actually quite good. Still, is that really a song you’d want to play basketball on, given it’s also a song for vehicular combat or any other genre? It seems really jammed in there for popularity’s sake and nothing else.
There are a few other, more notable queries though. For one, the tutorial assures that the game is playable on several carpets. We’re no physics majors, but it seems that any surface that absorbs the force directed towards it would make it harder to bounce. But more importantly, how is this a good idea in any standard home with things like furniture or any costly matter in the vicinity of a rapidly moving sphere? Sure, the tutorial with ten square feet of dead space makes it seem like a quirky, harmless error to drop the ball, but in reality it isn’t hard to imagine the thing flying off and crushing the nearest object; probably the TV it’s currently facing. Court vision seems more accurate as an impending lawsuit for gross negligence. We’re looking forward to videos either proving us dead wrong, with people having a sporty blast, or clips of many homes getting obliterated by the novelty game. Either way, we’re winning.